My whole life should be filmed

Dear Riya,

You have many nicknames yet you like to use this one. I don’t know what others’ll come up with, but it’s the one you use the most. Anyway. It’s November 17, 2011, and I have swim conditioning soon. Freshmen year, and trying hard already. I hate the world. How people treat you, how society views you. I’ve thought suicidal thoughts, I’ve been wondering what it’s like if I’m not there the next day, what & how people would react. I’ve thought of being a writer, being famous, being SOMEONE in the world, so that if someone ever tries to take advantage of me again, I would have the upper hand.
My love life is nonexistent, yet you fall in love everyday, only to be tripped again and again. You’re friends with your exes, you’re friends with everyone. Everyone says you’re “nice” or “cute”. It’s really nice of them and all, but you’d rather be beautiful, pretty, or something… worth your effort every morning. People have tricked me, backstabbed me, and my respect has been lost with many. You spend too much time ¬†updating your blog then outside. (leviosaur)
I want to go outside. Take a walk, breathe in the world. But my parents won’t let me go past the garage door. The world’s changing, and the people in it are changing. I always have to watch out. Everyone’s my friend, but I don’t trust them. I don’t trust anyone. It’s a network, someday I’ll use my friendship card in the future. I hold in my harsh words so people won’t think bad about me.
I want to speak my mind but I can never find the right words. If and when I talk, I change my words right in the middle of sentences, and my words fuse together and turn out into pure gibberish.
My favorite shows are New Girl (Zooey Deschanel, anyone?), Glee, Law & Order.
Facebook is not helping with my studying situation. Right now, in school, I’m just “getting by”. I’m not every trying as hard as I wanted to in 8th grade. High school’s changed me.
I hope, right now, if you’re 16, you have straight A’s. You’ve deactivated your tumblr, you’re not addicted to facebook, and you don’t procrastinate. You study hard, all day everyday. Shannon’s still your best friend. You’ve dated around, maybe, and hopefully you’ve found your high school sweetheart. Wink wink, nudge nudge.
You’re still obsessed with the british and Harry Potter, and you know what you’re going to do in life.
Don’t do drugs, don’t do something you’ll regret. Don’t smoke, don’t you dare hurt your future the way some in your family have. Use past experiences as your motivation. Find some. If not, then what’ll help you? Remember those looks people would give you. Remember the people who have backstabbed you. Remember how your parents were like when you disappointed them.
That success is the best revenge.
Oh, and you didn’t die in 2012, right? Well, you wouldn’t still be alive & reading this letter.
Take care.
- Almost Lover by Fine Frenzy, Killer Queen by Queen, I Got You by Train… There’s more.


Riya. 11/17/2011.


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